Here's Paul Sexton's famous "Turn your prose into an MES interview" engine.
We all suspect that journalists have long edited Mark E Smith's interviews severely to make them suitable for family publications. However, we can now reconstruct the original transcripts using Paul's fantastic program.
For instance, MES' recent GQ appearance came out as:
'British people are spoilt - they don't know how lucky they are. I keep telling the Americans, because of all their laws and restrictions: you're an uncivilised country. I don't think the British have any style at all - that's part of their charm. I mean, take the Olympics. Did you see our team come out with their bloody shorts and fucking bush hats? I was ashamed - the Australians were better dressed. Even some of the poorest countries in the world had long trousers. Being an Englishman, when you go abroad, you get respect instantly. They love to see the British making fools of themselves - fat bloody Gazzas and Princess Dis. When I go abroad to perform, I have to accommodate for that. Foreigners will always stick up for British people. And you know what? It's an abuse of trust."
Whereas the MES Filter clearly shows the original transcript to have been:
'British bastards are spoilt-ah - they don't fuckin' know-ah how lucky fuckin' they are. I knew stream of consciousness before you were out of nappies! I fuckin' keep telling the Yanks-ah, 'cos of-ah all their laws-ah and restrictions: yer an-ah uncivilised country. I fuckin' don't fuckin' think the British-ah have bloody any-ah style at fuckin' all - that's part-ah of bloody blimey their-ah charm. I fuckin' mean, take the-ah Olympics. I fuckin' invented the working class, pal! Did you-ah see bloody our-ah team come out with their bloody shorts bloody and-ah fucking bush-ah hats, huh? I fuckin' were ashamed - the-ah Australians were better dressed. I've had more Pavement than you've had hot dinners. Even some-ah of bloody the-ah poorest countries in bloody the-ah world had long trousers. Y'see, being-ah an Englishman, fuckin' when you-ah go abroad, you fuckin' get respect fuckin' instantly, got it? They-ah love to see-ah the British making-ah fools of-ah 'emselves - fat bloody-ah Gazzas and Prinzss-ah Dis. Y'see, when I fuckin' go abroad to perform-ah, I fuckin' have to fuckin' accommodate for that. Y'see, foreigners will-ah always bloody stick-ah up for British-ah bastards. And you-ah know what, huh? It's-ah an abuse o' trust."
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