The runners up: the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible...
In no order whatsoever:
_____
MES: The whole lot of you
are fired-uh! From now on-uh, it's just me and the little girl-uh on kazoo!
Little Girl: Does this mean we're dating?
_____
Mark; "I'm a Mummy!"
Girl; "I want my Mummy!"
_____
MES : Look love, you on
keyboards, me with a bag on my head - the Fall straight to number one in the
charts!
Kid: My Gran plays a mean set of Bongos....
_____
MES: how dare they call
me 'curmudgeon'. Now bring on the babies to kiss! I put me teeth in - special
like!
Kid: oh shit, I thought this was the S Club 7 show....
_____
MES: 20+ years in the business,
30 odd albums and still got all me own teeth! Does your Mam want an autograph?
Kid: I just wanna know where the toilets are.....
_____
MES: i think i've just broken
me back. i hope these paparazzi are satisfied.
LITTLE GIRL: oh, i'm sure they are, and thank you so much for posing with me,
mr. sting.
_____
MES: No, sweetheart, I haven't
ever considered a collaboration with S Club 7.
Girl: So what'd the Tooth Fairy leave under your pillow for that one Mister?
_____
MES: Smile fer the camera
ya little brat, or I'll break yer feckin' wrist.
Girl: You get your fuckin' hand off me, Grandad... or you'll be missing some
MORE fuckin' teeth!
_____
Girl: My grandad what big
teeth you got.
MES:Don`t be afraid they're not me own
_____
Mark e: good evening we
are the fall...
Little girl:Hello children I'm the new fall drummer and mark and I say don't
let mr plaque ruin your life......
_____
MES: Ain't she lovely? She
designed our last LP cover!
Girl: Like, in two minutes.
_____
MES: We are the New Fall
and you better have a look! (Tell 'em you're my Granny and you play the bongos)
Girl: I'm a bongo and I play with his Granny!
_____
MES: Shhh. I've told her
I'm Liam Gallagher!
Girl: All your base are belong to us!
_____
MES: Yeah, so you’ll be
in me band, right, and you’ll be like on drums, right? Like banging away, like,
“bssh-bssh-bsssh” like banging away, like on bongos or summat, right? Like “bssh-bssh-bssh”
like that, right...right?
Her: How much does it pay?
_____
Little girl: Hey mister,
why are you holding on to my hand?
Mark E. Smith: Because I'm scared of the dentistah!
_____
MES: I had a monkey for
breakfast, What did you have?
Girl: A deconstruction of modern man.
_____
MES: Darling, it is the
considered opinion here that new dads are hill of crap and it's cruel to the
kids. They should butt out and leave it to their respectives.
Little Girl: Don't call me, DARLING!
_____
Left bubble: Hey Dear, try
a smile to be a pretty souvenir for your mom.
Right bubble: Smithie, soften your Manchester Bigmouth!
_____
Mark E: "Hey little girl,
want to see my '2x4'?"
Little Girl: "Do you smell preparation h? Want to borrow my ear protection for
your next spoken word performance? Let me go! I'm going to tell my mommy, Brix,
on you!
_____
Mark: Well, Cindy-lou Who,
shall we go grab us some Christmas Beast for dinner.
Little Girl: Oh, Mr Grinch, you're the best!
_____
Smith: "The young kids in
my neighborhood listen to Fall records steal scraps of paper from my jacket
pocket-uh they cannot hold their beer midget plagiarist allowance conspiracy!"
Kid: "Eat y'self fitter!"
_____
Marks bubble : Thanks love!
It's just that I'm trying to change the image of The Fall as well as making
them into a more arty wank type band what do you think?
Girl replies : Rough Trade!
_____
MES: 'Bicycle ain't working
wired!'
Little Girl: 'You are not my uncle Mark'
_____
MES: Smile, Brixxy!
Little girl: OK who is this long streak of piss holding my hand?
_____
MES: Lick spittle southener
Little girl: SMILE !?!?!
_____
mark says: it will not give
extra trouble to take care of public relations
little girl says: he's quite normal if you take in consideration he's a popstar
_____
Mark: Alright luv, d'ya
know the way to the bogs - I'm fookin' bustin-ah!
DJ girl: Soz mate, don't play requests! Hey, do I know you? I think you were
in my Dad's class in school
_____
Girl with headphones: "So
Mark, what did you think of my production job and sleeve artwork for 'Are You
Are Missing Winner'".
Mark: "Loved it. It made me SMILE!".
_____
mes says"when I wrote the
bloody song, it wasn't an f-ing invitation to meet my ex-classmates f-ing brats..."
little girl says,"Mommy, this man stinks of lager..."
_____
MES: You can play guitar
and sing?! Why your not from L.A. are you?
Little Girl: Mommy!
_____
MES: ...and what do yer
wanna be when yer grow up?
GIRL ...a thacked Fall Modern Apprentith guitar player pweeze.
_____
mark says: cheeky monkey
little girl corrects him saying "cheeky monkeyuhh!"
_____
MES: "Leave the Capital!"
Kid: "If you don't start brushing your teeth, I most certainly will!"
_____
MES: "Who makes the nazis?"
Kid: "Isn't it you, Mr. Slugworth?"
_____
MES: "How 'bout a kiss?"
Kid: "Not on your life, you disgusting speed-drenched psycho!"
_____
MES: "Do like The Fall,
little girl?"
Kid: "Actually, I'm more of a fan of Camus' non-fiction, in "The Rebel" he....etc.,
etc."
_____
MES: Keep up the piano lessons
love, I'm on the lookout for a new keyboard player.
Girl: Naff off ya old perv.
_____
M.E.S.: "Absence of cash
from Cog Sinister coffers induces Smith into illegal extraction-uh grrrr snarrrlll
of gelt from the ceramic confines of yer porcine replica euru storage unit-uh!"
Little Lass: "Oh! Brother..."
_____
MES: "We are the new Fall."
Little Lass: "Who is this soggy old shite?"
_____
MES: "I bloddy well told
you, I don't do requests!"
Gurl: "Go on, I'd love to hear you sing 'One more time' by Britney, it's just
like 'Lost in Music' but a bit slower!"
_____
Little girl: "Hi Mark! Any
chance of you performing Futures and Pasts in concert?"
MES: "Only if you buy me 2 pints and a concert shirt!"
_____
Mark: “NOW!”
The girl: “No, later.”
_____
girl says "so, what do you
think of the show so far?"
ME Smith "Rubbish-AH"
_____
girl : don't call me darling
!
mes : chi chi chi...
_____
Mark Says: "Take those headphones
off darling, it's another years worth of records by The Fall!"
Girl says: "uh...WHAT?"
_____
Mark E: Do you know you
are standing on my foot-urghh?
Brix E Junior: Is that the title of your next album, mister?
_____
mark says "sky calendar,
bar, home, speculates..."
girl says "now I have seen the madness in my(underlined) area!"
_____
Mark says: " AAARRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggg!!!!!!
Most people think i am unclean!!!
Girl says : Hey sir, don` t worry, thats just because they don` t know your
new album yet.
_____
Girl: So glad to finally
meet you Mark!
Mark: Oh, Brother!
_____
Mark says: And what do you
want to be when you grow up?
and the little girl says: Thrown out of your band.
_____
MES: "Just a pair of ¥º˜˜*??°€?—/·°¯€?¸?
wings!"
lil girlie: "HIS HIDEOUS REPLICA!!!!!"
_____
MES:"I believe there's a
new drug out. It's called speed I wrote a song about it Conceptually a la Bowie.
But it's been lost in the vaults of the record company By our manager "
Girl: "You Pep"
_____
MES: Hey little girl, fancy
playing bongos in the The Fall
Girl: Mummy, mummy, I'm scared. He smells funny.
_____
Mark: Give these to Harry
Girl: I'm only six
_____
MES: Do you wanna come around
when Brix goes out, Saffy?
Little girl: Alright then.
_____
Little girl: Twinkle Twinkle
little star
MES: You copied that off The Fall, you did.
_____
Mark's balloon says- There's
nothing new in Acid House for me, pal. I've been using that process for years.
Bloody years. It might be new for you but don't assume it's new for anyone else,
because you're fucking wrong, pal.
The little girl replies in her balloon- What the fuck are you talking about?
Have you made an Acid House record?
_____
MES: "Hey there, fuckface!"
little girl: "Who are you?"
_____
MES: Ahhh Muzorewis daughterahhhhh.
GIRL: Are you Father Christmas?
_____
MES: "If it's me and your
Granny on bongo's, it's still the Fall"
Little Girl: "Can I play?"
_____
MES: Why, she's no bigger
than Brix!
Little Lass: Eat y'rself fitter El Bastardo.
_____
Mark E Smith is saying -:
Ah young lady,so you want to be my new keyboard player eh ?
Young girl says -: Come on Mr Smith,give me a chance,I have only just started
school,but who knows,probably one day !!
_____
MES: I don't know, what
*do* space monkeys watch on TV?
KID: King Cone adverts!
_____
MES: Right, Gran, you're
on bongos, first gig tonight, rehearsal at soundcheck
Gran: I know you - you're the Mum in Royle Family!
_____
MES:What d'you call a man
with a spade in his head?
Girl: HighSmith Teeth.
_____
MES: I'm hard as ten bears,
me.
Girl: I'm still not going to marry you.
_____
Girl: Recite a poem, quick,
you'll make the cameraman drop his camera!
MES: No member of my band tells me what to do, you're sacked, etc.
_____
Girl (to cameraman): He's
wearing a wig.
MES: No, I am not wearing a fuckin' wig.
_____
MES: Do you play drums?
Can you make a gig in MCR tonight?
Girl: No, I've got to go to brownies.
_____
MES: Would you like to join
The Fall, little girl?
GIRL: Yes! Let me grab my bongos.
_____
MES: So what do you think
of the new album?
Girl: Not bad, did you like my cover artwork?
_____
Caption (no word balloons): Mark E. Smith (right) and little Patty Mills (left) who is currently the only living resident of Manchester not to have been an ex-member of the Fall.
_____
Mes: (doesn't say anything)
Little Girl: "Daddy I waaaaaaaaaaaant the Brittany album noooooooow!!!"
_____
one entry got a bit carried away...
MES: "Or I'll huff and I'll
puff and I'll blow yer house..."
Little Girl: "Gee Grandma what big teeth you have!"
Director (off camera): "Cut! Cut! Daisy, please don't improvise the script!"
Caption (no word balloons): At a press conference Mr. Smith introduced the new keyboard player for the Fall.
MES: "No Brix! I told you
not to press that button on the time machine!!!"
(girl says nothing)
MES: That's a Christmas
present from a very dear friend of mine.
Girl: Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.
MES: "Bagdad, Space Cog..."
Girl: "and a twit?"
Caption (no word balloons): London: The theatrical version will be starring Mr. Smith as Sulley, seen here with Boo.
Caption (no word balloons): "The band always suspected Mark's manager lacked some practical real world experience, but never said anything."
Caption (no word balloons): It was at that tragic moment that the parents of little Amy realized that they should stop telling her "that should could be anything when she grew up".
MES to camera: "Ah your
just a white-collar middle-class fraud..."
Little Girl: "Daddy I think it's time to go..."
_____
MES: "...and if you play
a solo, you get fined."
Girl: "We are the new Fall!"
_____
Mark; "I am Damo Suzuki."
Girl; 'No, you're a twat."
_____
Mark; "My ex-classmate's
kid."
Girl; "City Hobgoblin."